To the gas companies: Gas was $4.099 on July 31 at the 22-Mile Valero Station between Coarsegold and Fresno on Highway 41. Last night, it was down to $1.989! How low will it go before OPEC shuts down everything? Anyhow, thank you in the meantime.
To the Somali pirates: Don't even think of it!
To Lance Armstrong: If you are worried about your safety during your Tour de France ride in 2009, stay retired! Let go the ego!
To Donovan McNabb, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback: Yes, not only are their ties to wear around your neck, but their are ties in the NFL. Where have you been?
To Hillary Clinton: Line of succession to the presidency is Vice-President, then Speaker of the House, then Senate Pro Tempore, then Secretary of State. GO FOR IT!
To the stock market: Plunge. Who cares? Our retirement portfolios are going down with you, too.
To Ayman al-Zawahri, al-Qaida #2: You're next. We got your jihad right here!
To the Big 3 automakers: Make better cars while you still can. We see more Hyundais and Kias. Guess we will be seeing more on the road now.
To Congress: Bail out the workers who will be losing their jobs at the Big 3!
