I was in jovial spirits when I arrived at surgical center.
They were expecting me as usual. Walked right up to the front desk and Chris had my patient ID band ready to go.
Around 1:00 p.m., the doctor summons me to the surgical bay to get started. I go into the changing room and I told him that I knew the whole routine.
Instead of Susan attending to my pre-op, I had Deidra, who had some sort of attitude about her. She had a hard time trying to stick the IV in my arm. Don’t know why because I am vascular enough as it is and my veins protrude for the entire world to see.
The epidural procedure was uneventful. They told me to sit up on the side of the bed. I asked the doctor if they gave me the "cocktail" because I wasn't feeling funny. They said they did.
I felt the pressure as the doctor stuck me with the needle.
There was one time when I was warned that a cold solution would be sprayed on my back and they told me not to flinch. Now, whenever something cold touches my back you are damn right I am going to flinch. I flinched a little. Deidra kept telling me to breathe. I told her I was and that “you told me not to move so I am doing deep rhythmic breathing so there!”
After the epidural, she took my blood pressure. 170/110! Why so high? I don’t like hospitals or any clinic for that matter. In fact, when Deidra asked me if I were allergic to any medications I replied, “Nothing, just hospitals.”
My last two visits they took my vitals before the procedure. Why after?
Deidra she put the heart rate monitor on my right forefinger. Then she told me to "bend my arm straight."
Eh deh what? Bend my arm straight? I look at Deidra and said, "Where I come from we bend our arms and we STRAIGHTEN our arms out." She gave me that "smart *ss" look. Better than being a dumb one. I am not a member of that gene pool.
Then Deidra started asking me questions:
When was the last time you ate? 10:30.
What did you have? I ate a banana and an apple and a chewy granola bar.
You need to eat a big lunch. I wasn’t hungry.
When was the last time you drank any fluids? Around 11:30 a big tall glass.
Oh, so we are on the dry side. I didn’t want my bladder full in case I couldn’t control the flow during the procedure.
Any alcohol last night? Yes, I had a seven course meal – a cold pizza and a six pack.
When? Eight o’clock I guess because the beer and pizza started to make me sleepy.
Would you like something to drink like water or juice? Got any JD?
Juice or water? Juice.
I was waiting for other questions like "When was your last bowel movement?" or "When was the last time you had sex?" Those questions were never asked. I did have the answers if they were asked.
After the interrogation, I was given two packages of Capri Sun Wild Cherry. I guess I was rewarded with two due to my good behavior. No wonder the cost of medical care is skyrocketing.
Then Susan, my “clinic wife,” came over and noticed the IV was halfway out. I whispered to her and said, “Because you didn’t do it.” I gave her a wink and she smiled back. I am such a flirt.
It was time to get dressed and plop myself down in the wheelchair for my final ride to Kindra’s car. Did I say final? I sure as hell hope so.
About 2:05 p.m., Kindra drops me off and as I got out of her vehicle I could feel my legs are wobbly and my mind is groggy.
I am fighting the urge to sleep, but it looks like my brain is misfiring because I am having a hard time blogging right now. My entire right leg is numb right now. I am sure it has something to do with the epidural. I can still feel the tingling sensation in my right toes. My left leg is fine. I will watch some golf to lull me into a deep sleep.
I just hope I do not have a repeat performance like I did two weeks ago. March 11 was not my best of days.
Another trek and another trail under my belt.
Have a great weekend everyone!
